Hello all... I just wanted to give you an update on the life of a senior, Jazmyn Carroll... a PLU student trying to figure out life in a day. This past week, I have been bombarded with questions of identity... Now that it is becoming increasingly clear that I will be leaving my PLU home at the end of the school year, these questions of identity and where I will be after college has seriously got me stumped! Stumped to the point that I consider myself a walking vessel with little to no cognitive capacity to learn strenuous concepts. This is extremely distressing because I consider this hodgepodge of a beautiful, yet messy mind of mine, to be taking a toll on my well being. For reassurance purposes, I am aware that I am experiencing cognitive dissonance and plan to be at 101% Jazzy sometime in the near future.
Anyways, what has got me questioning who I am is the religion course I am currently taking on Christian Theologies... bad enough I am trying to be an A student, apply for grad schools, be a fantabulous dAdvocate, make sure my family knows I love them, constantly check my e-mail, have time for job shadowing and so on an so forth... I am having to figure out who I am; in general, I have a lot of stuff in my head. I am your typical college student plus some. All my life I grew up in a Catholic household going to church and praying to God to guide me in this journey of life. I learned that I had an inclusivistic view of Christianity, meaning that I think Catholicism is the true religion and all other religions are Plan B... as in God still saves these religious folk. Yes, I know that is a pretty crappy thing to grow up looking at other religions as less than my own... sad to say, I also never paid attention to what my pastor preached in church until recently. Everything that he said uplifted my Catholic belief while downplaying other "pagan" religions... I was appalled and shocked that all my life I unknowingly supported a religion that oppressed other religions. Heck, I was concerned for the children and babies listening to her lecture. Not only that, the foundations on which I lived my life was slowly giving out under the weight my newfound knowledge... I was slipping into a dark abyss without a light to provide me comfort.
My identity is a complex of subcategories with religion being crucial to me. To have this part of my identity drifting back into a sea of ambiguity scares me to death; yet sheds some light as to which way I should steer my boat. Although I am not quite sure where I will be heading, I know I am definitely loving this pluralist theology that agrees that every religion is equal... what bothers me is that I have not found a theology that says, "Yes, every religion is equal and different in their own way." Not only that, I want to come to come to a point where I am comfortable with my religious practices and beliefs that I can have constructive interreligious dialogue with a level of friendly competition to facilitate deep conversations, without discrediting someone's religion. Will I ever reach this peace in my lifetime? Well, that is a journey I am going to have to figure out... The thing I find most comfort in, is that I am guided by the gentle breezes of my professor, mentors, friends, and family. I wasn't pushed into the sea without paddles or food... I was nudged into the sea by caring faces and a glowing curiosity.
In the grand scheme of things, I know that my college career was not a waste of money, even though I am at point in my life where I feel completely lost in everything I thought I knew, from my religion to my future career... If anything, what a liberal arts education, specifically a PLU education, gets you is you. In short, I am paying a lump sum of money for school to make me critically think about life, rather than being passive. Not only that, I am immersed in a community of critical thinkers who care about my journey and well-being. I am not a number here, I am Jazzy, who is blessed to be given the tools to critically think, reflect, listen, and talk about my thoughts.
So how is Jazzy now? If this messy blog hasn't given you insight as to where I am now, I am at 93%. I am not at 101% because I am still struggling with my thoughts... but I will get there soon. The reason for this beautiful mess is the fact that I am a linear person; so having to be flexible and adaptable is hard for my rigid self. I am learning to be okay with ambiguity and I have folks that remind me that it is okay to be my mentally messy self. I plan to search for my truth with the tools I have been given. If you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut, I hope you know that you're not alone and that you are a beautiful mess. Good luck on your journey of life and self discovery.
By Jasmyn Carroll
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| Jazmyn Carroll |
My identity is a complex of subcategories with religion being crucial to me. To have this part of my identity drifting back into a sea of ambiguity scares me to death; yet sheds some light as to which way I should steer my boat. Although I am not quite sure where I will be heading, I know I am definitely loving this pluralist theology that agrees that every religion is equal... what bothers me is that I have not found a theology that says, "Yes, every religion is equal and different in their own way." Not only that, I want to come to come to a point where I am comfortable with my religious practices and beliefs that I can have constructive interreligious dialogue with a level of friendly competition to facilitate deep conversations, without discrediting someone's religion. Will I ever reach this peace in my lifetime? Well, that is a journey I am going to have to figure out... The thing I find most comfort in, is that I am guided by the gentle breezes of my professor, mentors, friends, and family. I wasn't pushed into the sea without paddles or food... I was nudged into the sea by caring faces and a glowing curiosity.
In the grand scheme of things, I know that my college career was not a waste of money, even though I am at point in my life where I feel completely lost in everything I thought I knew, from my religion to my future career... If anything, what a liberal arts education, specifically a PLU education, gets you is you. In short, I am paying a lump sum of money for school to make me critically think about life, rather than being passive. Not only that, I am immersed in a community of critical thinkers who care about my journey and well-being. I am not a number here, I am Jazzy, who is blessed to be given the tools to critically think, reflect, listen, and talk about my thoughts.
So how is Jazzy now? If this messy blog hasn't given you insight as to where I am now, I am at 93%. I am not at 101% because I am still struggling with my thoughts... but I will get there soon. The reason for this beautiful mess is the fact that I am a linear person; so having to be flexible and adaptable is hard for my rigid self. I am learning to be okay with ambiguity and I have folks that remind me that it is okay to be my mentally messy self. I plan to search for my truth with the tools I have been given. If you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut, I hope you know that you're not alone and that you are a beautiful mess. Good luck on your journey of life and self discovery.
By Jasmyn Carroll
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